sangsara.paste.lol / seinfeld-japan-2 · 11 months ago·

Here is a possible Seinfeld-style scene:

Jerry: So I’m going to Japan next week for a comedy festival. I’m really excited. Elaine: Oh, that’s great. Japan is amazing. You’re gonna love it. Jerry: Yeah, I hope so. I’ve always wanted to go there. Elaine: Well, you have to bring me back something. Jerry: Something? Like what? Elaine: I don’t know. Something unique. Something Japanese. Jerry: Like a kimono? A samurai sword? A bonsai tree? Elaine: No, no, no. Those are too cliché. Too touristy. I want something that only you can find in Japan. Jerry: Like what? Elaine: I don’t know. Surprise me. Jerry: Surprise you? How am I supposed to surprise you if I don’t know what you want? Elaine: Jerry, come on. You’re a comedian. You have a sense of humor. You can find something funny and original in Japan. Jerry: Funny and original? In Japan? Do you realize how hard that is? Elaine: Why is it hard? Jerry: Because everything in Japan is funny and original! They have vending machines that sell underwear! They have toilets that talk to you! They have robots that serve sushi! Elaine: Well, then it should be easy for you to find something. Jerry: No, it’s not easy! It’s too easy! It’s overwhelming! How do I choose from all the options? Elaine: Jerry, relax. It’s not a big deal. Just pick something that catches your eye. Jerry: Catches my eye? Elaine, do you know how many things catch my eye in Japan? Everything catches my eye in Japan! The signs! The people! The food! Elaine: Jerry, stop yelling! Jerry: Sorry, sorry. It’s just…I want to bring you back something nice. Something special. Elaine: Well, thank you. That’s very sweet of you. Jerry (calming down): Okay…okay…maybe I’m overthinking this. Elaine (smiling): Maybe just a little bit. Jerry (smiling back): Alright…alright…I’ll find something for you in Japan. Elaine (hugging him): Thank you, Jerry. You’re the best.

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Jerry (at the airport in Japan): Oh no! I forgot to buy Elaine something! Kramer (who came along with Jerry): Don’t worry, buddy. I got you covered. Jerry: You do? Kramer: Yeah. Yeah. Come on. Follow me. Jerry: Where are we going? Kramer: To the gift shop. Jerry: The gift shop? Kramer, that’s the worst place to buy a souvenir! Kramer: No, no, no. Trust me. They have some great stuff here. Jerry: Like what? Kramer (looking around and spotting a display of mood rings): Like these! Jerry (unconvinced): Mood rings? Kramer: Yeah! Mood rings! They’re awesome! Jerry: Kramer…mood rings are not awesome. They’re lame. Kramer: No, they’re not! They’re cool! They change color according to your mood! Jerry: Yeah, yeah. I know how they work. Kramer: Well, then you should appreciate them more! Jerry: Why? Kramer: Because they’re a great way to express yourself! Jerry: Express myself? How? Kramer: Well…for example…if you’re happy…the ring turns blue! Jerry (sarcastic): Wow… Kramer (ignoring him): And if you’re sad…the ring turns purple! Jerry (still sarcastic): Amazing… Kramer (still ignoring him): And if you’re angry…the ring turns red! Jerry (annoyed): Okay, okay. I get it. Kramer (enthusiastic): And if you’re in love…the ring turns pink! Jerry (shocked): Pink? Kramer: Yeah! Pink! Jerry: Kramer…are you trying to tell me something? Kramer (confused): What? No! No! Of course not! Jerry (relieved): Good. Kramer (realizing what Jerry meant): Oh! Oh! No! No! No! Jerry! Jerry! That’s not what I meant! Jerry (laughing nervously): Ha ha ha ha ha… Kramer (laughing nervously too): Ha ha ha ha ha… Salesperson (approaching them): Konnichiwa. Can I help you? Kramer (pointing at the mood rings): Yes. Yes. We’ll take one of these. Salesperson: One of these? Which one? Kramer (grabbing a random one and handing it to Jerry): This one. Salesperson: This one? Are you sure? Jerry (looking at the ring and seeing that it’s pink): Uh-oh…