sangsara.paste.lol / seinfeld-japan-2 · 11 months ago·

Here is a possible Seinfeld-style scene:

Jerry: So I’m going to Japan next week for a comedy festival. I’m really excited.
Elaine: Oh, that’s great. Japan is amazing. You’re gonna love it.
Jerry: Yeah, I hope so. I’ve always wanted to go there.
Elaine: Well, you have to bring me back something.
Jerry: Something? Like what?
Elaine: I don’t know. Something unique. Something Japanese.
Jerry: Like a kimono? A samurai sword? A bonsai tree?
Elaine: No, no, no. Those are too cliché. Too touristy. I want something that only you can find in Japan.
Jerry: Like what?
Elaine: I don’t know. Surprise me.
Jerry: Surprise you? How am I supposed to surprise you if I don’t know what you want?
Elaine: Jerry, come on. You’re a comedian. You have a sense of humor. You can find something funny and original in Japan.
Jerry: Funny and original? In Japan? Do you realize how hard that is?
Elaine: Why is it hard?
Jerry: Because everything in Japan is funny and original! They have vending machines that sell underwear! They have toilets that talk to you! They have robots that serve sushi!
Elaine: Well, then it should be easy for you to find something.
Jerry: No, it’s not easy! It’s too easy! It’s overwhelming! How do I choose from all the options?
Elaine: Jerry, relax. It’s not a big deal. Just pick something that catches your eye.
Jerry: Catches my eye? Elaine, do you know how many things catch my eye in Japan? Everything catches my eye in Japan! The signs! The people! The food!
Elaine: Jerry, stop yelling!
Jerry: Sorry, sorry. It’s just…I want to bring you back something nice. Something special.
Elaine: Well, thank you. That’s very sweet of you.
Jerry (calming down): Okay…okay…maybe I’m overthinking this.
Elaine (smiling): Maybe just a little bit.
Jerry (smiling back): Alright…alright…I’ll find something for you in Japan.
Elaine (hugging him): Thank you, Jerry. You’re the best.

===

Jerry (at the airport in Japan): Oh no! I forgot to buy Elaine something!
Kramer (who came along with Jerry): Don’t worry, buddy. I got you covered.
Jerry: You do?
Kramer: Yeah. Yeah. Come on. Follow me.
Jerry: Where are we going?
Kramer: To the gift shop.
Jerry: The gift shop? Kramer, that’s the worst place to buy a souvenir!
Kramer: No, no, no. Trust me. They have some great stuff here.
Jerry: Like what?
Kramer (looking around and spotting a display of mood rings): Like these!
Jerry (unconvinced): Mood rings?
Kramer: Yeah! Mood rings! They’re awesome!
Jerry: Kramer…mood rings are not awesome. They’re lame.
Kramer: No, they’re not! They’re cool! They change color according to your mood!
Jerry: Yeah, yeah. I know how they work.
Kramer: Well, then you should appreciate them more!
Jerry: Why?
Kramer: Because they’re a great way to express yourself!
Jerry: Express myself? How?
Kramer: Well…for example…if you’re happy…the ring turns blue!
Jerry (sarcastic): Wow…
Kramer (ignoring him): And if you’re sad…the ring turns purple!
Jerry (still sarcastic): Amazing…
Kramer (still ignoring him): And if you’re angry…the ring turns red!
Jerry (annoyed): Okay, okay. I get it.
Kramer (enthusiastic): And if you’re in love…the ring turns pink!
Jerry (shocked): Pink?
Kramer: Yeah! Pink!
Jerry: Kramer…are you trying to tell me something?
Kramer (confused): What? No! No! Of course not!
Jerry (relieved): Good.
Kramer (realizing what Jerry meant): Oh! Oh! No! No! No! Jerry! Jerry! That’s not what I meant!
Jerry (laughing nervously): Ha ha ha ha ha…
Kramer (laughing nervously too): Ha ha ha ha ha…
Salesperson (approaching them): Konnichiwa. Can I help you?
Kramer (pointing at the mood rings): Yes. Yes. We’ll take one of these.
Salesperson: One of these? Which one?
Kramer (grabbing a random one and handing it to Jerry): This one.
Salesperson: This one? Are you sure?
Jerry (looking at the ring and seeing that it’s pink): Uh-oh…